In a Sunken State

Susan and I did some talkin today and I guess it helped. We talked about how I’ve been a total selfish asshat, which I knew, and how she’s been talking to me and trying everything to make me happy and keep us friends, which I didn’t know. Whatev though, I want this to madness to end.

Work was a bit nutty in the morning, so I counted it as a 3mph walk for the 1st hour in stead of my usual 2mph . I’ve been eating lighter and in smaller amounts. At first I couldn’t eat anything at all because of the stress and everything, then as things got worse I got to liking the pain of hunger. Now instead of the urge to eat I’ve been getting the urge to fast which is totally new to me. I used to hate feeling hungry, now I think I kindof like it. It reminds me of scrubbing a wound. I don’t want to get all emaciated, but I am enjoying this new sensation.

Speaking of sensations, I’ve rediscovered old urges I haven’t felt in years. I keep wanting to walk on my hands and do chinese push-ups and run on all fours. I dunno, maybe the craziness got locked in my fat, and its getting released now, lol.

Work must like me, cause I’m getting more hours and my days off are side by side. Man, I need to work on my spelling, cause dumbing down my speach to match my spelling has got to go.

So I have neglected my poor journal.  Mostly I’ve been not updating because I haven’t been updating. Vicious! But seriously, I don’t want to talk about EEEEVERY THING that’s been new since then, so I put it off. I really want to get writing though Arg. It’s not like I have any real reason to forget it, I spend about 3 hours a day sitting around doing nothing why Lilly, the toddler I baby-sit, has her nap time. Yup, I make money like a 14 year old now.

I’ve gotten a TON of old highschool friends adding me on Facebook, and I’ve been talking more with some old friends, so there’s another way my life is more like that of a teenager. I dunno stuff’s been weird in my life lately. Hopefully I’ll be better at keeping updated. bah bah bah I say!

So I guess I need to update more often, since no one reads my blog anymore. Mwuahahahaaaa my cunning plan is complete!

The other day I bore witness to an amazing battle between two birds fighting over a cicada who would not die. This little bird is flying around with this bug screaming in it’s mouth and a bigger bird just kept following the sound. it was pretty amazing.

I need to get Sony called to get my PS3 fixed. I’ve been putting it off because I mostly just want to wish the thing back to life, but it hasn’t worked so far and I gotta get it done before the warranty wears out. I also gotta see if I can get my movies and music off before I ship it out, cause I dunno if I’ll be able to get those back. Arg.

I was Irate all day yesterday and I don’t know why. Well I do know why, someone was annoying the shit out of me being all angsty which is fine if you’re 15 but you should really grow out of that by the time you’re 24.

What I really need right now is a great big storm to cool my nerves. I really want to go out fishing and hiking, and I want to take pictures. HB wants to go camping which sounds fun. I’m tired of being a hermit.

I can’t do anything cause I have no money. I have no money because I have no job. If I get a job I won’t be able to to do anything.

That would be my problem, if it wasn’t for the fact that I wouldn’t do anything if I got paid a thousand dollars a week to go do things.

Well… Actually… Since it was my job and all, I probably would.

So for the first time in a long time I’ve been out drinking. I hope I wore my Budwieser flip-flops home, cause I don’t really remember taking them off. I spoke about politices and comics, hit on a couple completely uninterested chicks, and played a drinking game. I haven’t felt this self concious or sad in quite a long time. Success.

So I’ve not updated this in a while. I’m thinking about purchasing a lap top of my own so that I’ll actually have one to use. I can get a cheap little one at walmart, so that’s cool. I can also get a touch screen dell computer there which seems a bit too classy for walmart, but then again the times are always changin’.

I’ve been pretty steadily addicted to Farm Town on Facebook.com for a few days now. It caused me to buy Harvest Moon for the Game Boy, which sucked because it turned out to not even work. BOOO!

I’ve been getting pretty determined to move lately. I’m seriously thinking about applying at CBI, which is a kind of dangerous place to work, I’m told, but $16.50 ain’t nothin to shake a stick at. I could probably get out of debt within a year at that rate, and then save up something other besides. I would love that. I would sooo love a few new toys to play with that aren’t video games. I want a studio to make and display art in. And I want it downtown somewhere so that I can see fireworks on Independence day without having to leave my place, lol.